My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
