Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
