we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
