this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
