why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
