I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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