Only a mothe r could love this liver
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
