I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
