He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
