Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
