I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
