the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
