I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
