whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
