I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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