Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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