Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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