Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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