I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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