ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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