I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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