margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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