hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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