I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
