Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
