saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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