She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
