My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
