i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
