i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
