Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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