i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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