we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
