He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
