Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
