he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
