Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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