last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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