do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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