were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
