$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
