That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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