New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
