I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Houston, we have a blender
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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