I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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