You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
