You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
