she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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