o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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