Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
