I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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